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| click to see the full-sized goat-saver |
They say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. Well, Santa noticed awhile back that JohnE Whalen had adopted a goatee look. Some opined that he was imitating the smashingly good look of his favorite blogger! Then the goat disappeared. A good goat is hard to manage and so Santa thought that Mr. Whalen might just need something to help him groom the goat. How about a Goatee Saver!!! Interesting gadget...it's like a mouthguard one puts in and shaves around. Actually the thing looks kinda Hannibal Lecter -ish, if you ask us. "Well, Clarice...have the lambs stopped screaming?"
Mr. Whalen has found his way to the Naughty List, so Santa is bringing him a whole bunch of books to read. Seems appropriate for a school board member to be a role model and rad, right? And maybe do some soul searching and dive into a little self help, right? Mr. Whalen suffers from uncontrollable body language issues. He needs to work on that if he wants to stay in the public eye. He also appears to have a difficult time maintaining objectivity when listening to people he does not like. Tsk, tsk, JohnE! That's not only unprofessional, it reflects poorly on the entire board. It also eats away at the credibility you have left. Santa's also giving him a copy of the book, "Toxic Men" to help him cope with the people that are most troublesome for him.
Finally, we understand that some things and some people just make JohnE's skin crawl. Therefore Santa would be remiss in his duties if he didn't leave JohnE a little stocking stuffer: a copy of Linkin Park's single, "Crawling".
Merry Xmas!
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